Can You Hear My Voice?
It was a Saturday morning.
A 27-year-old called our Counselling Helpline requesting immediate counselling assistance. A non-working day for Empower Pacific Counsellors, but we still attend to our clients when they call our Counselling Helpline as a reflection of our motto ‘Putting People First.
The client expressed feelings of neglect and sadness. He wanted to kill himself because he felt like he was a waste of space – unloved and uncared for. Numerous thoughts from his childhood till now were pummelling through his mind making him believe that suicide was the perfect escape.
But he shuffled through the keypad of his phone and dialed 5626 with the thought that perhaps someone cares, someone will listen to him and tell him that what he is feeling and his situation can be managed. Someone to tell him that the future will be different and that things can get better.
When his Counsellor called him, he talked about the incidents in his life that had a profound impact on him.
It is no secret that the lack of support experienced by the lesbian, gay and bisexual youth leads to higher rates of emotional distress, suicide attempts, risky sexual behaviour and substance abuse.
- Just the Facts About Sexual Orientation and Youth- A Primer for Principals, Educators, and School Personnel
This was mirrored in our client’s life. Growing up, he always felt different from others. He enjoyed playing with girls, trying on different shades of lipstick and wearing his mother’s necklaces. This came naturally to him without any outside influence. When he was little, he questioned his mother. He believed during pregnancy, mothers can instinctively know if the baby will be a son or daughter. He felt dejected when his mother told him that she did not feel any particular way.
In high school, his physic and voice began to change. He did not like being a big boy so he tried to cut down his size. According to the client, the pitch of his voice was his identity. He knew that if he sounded feminine, everyone would see him differently. When he was in Year Seven, he recalled practicing speaking using different pitches in his room to find the tone that best suited him. He wanted to sound manly. To him, if he sounded manly, no one would judge him and he would fit in well with others.
As he got older, his parents would argue more because of him. Their views on their son would greatly differ causing his father to lash out in anger and frustration towards his mother, blaming her for the way he was. The client was also on the receiving end of abuse inflicted by his father. He lost track of the number of times he was hurt both mentally and physically. As all of these things were taking an immense toll on his physical and mental health he would repeatedly isolate himself in his room to avoid any confrontation with his family. Other times he would find comfort in running away.
The Counsellor gave him the space to vent out his feelings. It was clear that he was grieving for his lost childhood and feared losing his youth. The Counsellor validated his emotions. Anger and sadness were normal reactions and feelings given his circumstances. Staying isolated also gave rise to feelings of loneliness. The constant rejection from his father caused him to stay up during the late hours of the night battling his thoughts. His experiences were real and he needed to figure out ways to work around them. The client needed to be able to accept the fact that he had no control over how his parents felt about him. If something were to happen to him, nothing would change. His situation and his parents’ perception of his sexuality would still be the same. Therefore, he needed to give them more time to be able to come to terms with who he was and not do something drastic.
The Counsellor encouraged him to trust in himself.
“I was angry and upset. I could have done something stupid and by now if I didn’t call 5626, I wouldn’t be talking to you or anyone by now. I would have gone”, he said.
As the sessions progressed, the Counsellor and the client explored his future aims and ambitions. The client saw himself taking up leadership roles in the future. The Counsellor helped him identify ways he can achieve that goal. The client pinpointed that he had to do well in school as he was still studying. He also relied heavily on alcohol, cigarettes and other substances to cope with the situation. He knew these habits were doing him more harm than good and was committed to developing more positive coping mechanisms.
Furthermore, the Counsellor explored his social circle. The client expressed his wish to no longer be part of his usual group of friends. Through his reflection, the client was able to realize that if he wanted his life to head in a positive direction, he had to find a group of friends that influenced him positively.
The Counsellor assured him that he was a person of great value and potential. He has planned to move out of his parents’ house and live independently until they are ready to accept him.
After speaking to the client, he has discovered a path to walk on despite the challenges. The client plans to officially come out to his parents when he completes his studies. He is looking forward to making new friends and working towards his goals.
